i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize