i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
