You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
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