I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
