Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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