I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Randomize
