Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
