She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
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