the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
