The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
We left an ass print on the piano.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
