Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
