hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
