Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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