My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
