If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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