I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
My penis needs a shock collar
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
