the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
