everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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