Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Randomize
