that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Randomize
