sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
