I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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