i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Randomize
