Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Randomize
