Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
