dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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