Kiss
Puke
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Randomize
