but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
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