dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Randomize
