Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
