YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
