Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
