I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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