im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
