Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
