I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Randomize
