Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
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