You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Found the puke drawer
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Randomize
