you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
