I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
