Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
