Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
