we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Did I show you my penis last night?
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
