we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
50% drunk capacity currently
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
