She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
