Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
