Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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