she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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