So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
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