I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize