he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
