She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Randomize
