Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
