Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
This is my gift to your gina
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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