my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
