She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
