Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
