I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
