I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
