booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
