Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
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