She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Everclear isn't food dammit
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
