I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
