I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize