you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
