I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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