what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
