R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
