This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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