did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
did i just pee glitter
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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