I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
