This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Quick, to the slutcave!
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
