and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
