I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
