Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
