i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
